


i've been denying how i feel, you've been denying what you want

by Am0ka



Category: King Falls AM (Podcast)
Genre: First Kiss, Getting Together, M/M, Misunderstandings, Pre-Canon, Sammy is so emotionally stunted it'd be funny if it wasn't so sad and I am honestly living for it, spoilers for ep68 as in spoilers for Jack's entire existence so I guess it's too late for you.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:55:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26569915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Am0ka/pseuds/Am0ka
Summary: Sammy was acting weird. Jack just won't let that go.
Relationships: Sammy Stevens/Jack Wright
Comments: 3
Kudos: 34





	i've been denying how i feel, you've been denying what you want

Sammy was acting weird. Jack was trying to ignore it but it became harder with every passing show, it felt like Jack had to watch his back in the one space he felt safe before. Lily hadn't noticed yet and Jack didn't want to stir shit between them, not before talking to Sammy and listening to him changing the subject.

Sammy didn't know but his deflections could tell you what's actually eating him. If he'll start talking about one of his crazy evenings with one of his forgettable dates it'll be something work-related and Jack can deal with that. Work harder, find better guests, whatever, work is just work and easy to deal with.

If he'll start talking about the show, well, they have a problem. Sammy's reaction to Jack complaining about losing a boyfriend to Medicines Sans Frontiers was not ideal. It was probably the first time he was faced with Jack's queerness so he'd write it off as surprise - if it didn't change his entire behavior towards Jack afterwards.

Still could be just work. All... _that_ just a coincidence.

Worst part was that Jack felt something brewing between them, before all _this_. Now he's reevaluating every spark that flew between him and anyone he ever met because holy shit was he wrong about this one. Few nights ago somebody was literally whispering everything they wanted to do with him that night and all Jack was thinking of was whether he's reading the situation wrong. His dancing partner didn't consider the signals as enthusiastic consent and so Jack ended up going home alone and frustrated in more ways than one.

Jack tried to bring up the problem they were having before but he never spent any time alone with Sammy any more. There was always Lily, or the station manager, or the hosts following their show, or, on one memorable occasion, Sammy's date waiting for him.

Athena was a blonde with legs so long that it took him what felt like hours to travel up to the hem of her shorts. She kissed Sammy on the cheek as a greeting, brushed the hair out of his eyes (it was getting unusually long for him) and spent the rest of her time discussing outside noise reduction during phone-ins with Lily. Sammy watched them with a smile on his face that made Jack itch under his skin.

They were grabbing their stuff before leaving for home, Athena excusing herself to go to the restroom before heading out with Sammy, when all Jack's vulnerabilities left him through his mouth.

"I hope you're not looking to replace me," Jack's joke must've fallen flat because Lily scoffed and Sammy looked incredibly confused.

"With whom?"

"Athena, both of you seemed to like her." Jack wasn't pouting, definitely not.

Sammy and Lily looked at each other and burst into laughter. "Jackie, please, you're irreplaceable," Lily tried to placate him but it wasn't working very well. "Athena is choosing her college minor and she thought that broadcasting media could be interesting next to the technical shit she's already doing as a major. You woulda known if you were listening and not just glaring at her."

"She's good at pushing one's buttons but not yet radio ready," Sammy used his Shotgun voice and then turned back to his usual one. "But seriously, Jack. This show is nothing without you," Sammy grabbed Jack's wrist and squeezed for the shortest moment before remembering the awkwardness and dropping it like hot iron. "I'd never want to do it without you." This was said to the floor, not to Jack, but he'd take it.

"Thanks, Sammy."

There was a heavy silence in the studio before Lily rolled her eyes and interrupted it. "If you stop pouting I'll let you buy me a coffee."

"How can I say no to that?” Jack deadpanned, turned to the other co-host. “Sammy, want to join? Your "black, no sugar" is on me."

Sammy looked at him, leaning closer, and who knows what he'd say if Athena didn't return in that moment. "Hey Shotgun," she said in a surprisingly close approximation of _that_ voice, "you ready to roll?"

"Yeah, babe, just a sec. Jack, rain check?"

"No worries, have fun. It was nice to meet you, Athena!" Jack managed with something close to a genuine smile and Lily waved goodbye.

"Great meeting you two, hopefully not for the last time." Standing right next to Sammy Jack could see she was even taller than him, another thing making Jack itch. He wasn't short by any meaning of the word, he was just barely shorter than Sammy and for the first time ever felt bad about it.

"I don't know where the fuck he finds them," Lily sighs and throws her hand around Jack's neck. "They're so full of hope and dreams and then they meet Samuel Stevens and bam. Dreams of fame gone."

"Why don't you stop him if he's bad for them?"

"He's not really bad for them. In some ways he's the best way to ruin their dreams." Lily looked almost sad as she said it but wouldn't elaborate, even with the Starbucks half drank. "But I hope Athena will get over it, she could be fun to work with."

"You'd date Sammy's ex? Never thought you were a fan of going after straight girls."

Lily laughed again. "Jackie. Jack," she corrected herself when he glared at her. "I really did mean work with, this time, even though that woman is built like a Valkyrie. And you've been known to like people regardless of their gender yourself, what about Athena tells you she's straight?"

Jack decided to go for the compliment. "No queer girl would go after Sammy when you're in the room."

Lily punched him in the arm but also seemed genuinely pleased by the compliment so Jack took it as a win.

\----

The show couple of weeks after the Athena incident was not great. Lily was in her top form, joking with their guest like there was no tomorrow, even if the author only played along for the fun of it. Would work even better if Sammy joined in, but Sammy was obviously somewhere else, rarely looking away from Jack to either consult his notes or to pay attention to their guest.

Mary, their guest, even asked him if she was boring him, the awkward silence interrupted by a quick Foley work from Jack and only slightly forced laughter from Lily.

"Our Shotgun's shooting blanks today, kids, but don't worry, he'll get over it tomorrow. For now thank you very much for your time, Mary, and good luck with your newest book, right now in your local bookshop or Amazon, if you hate going out that much."

"Thanks, Lily; I had a great time with you."

"The great time can always continue after the show," Lily winked to make Mary laugh and to get them to a commercial break.

"Such a shame I'm happily married, otherwise I'd take you up on it," Mary said as she was leaving the studio, handing her headphones to Jack. He made sure to turn both them and the mic off to stop feedback.

"What a shame indeed. Thanks for the interview; I know your schedule was pretty full."

"I was glad to cancel some SiriusXM idiot and come here instead. You were the first interviewer that made me feel like they've actually read my book."

Lily bit her lip. "I started but didn't read all of it myself. Jack here, our producer and savior, absolutely devoured it."

Mary looked impressed. "Well, maybe next time you can help Lily and not just sit in silence in your little cube."

"Yes ma'am," Jack stuttered out, surprised, and almost saluted.

"Well, gotta go, I have a signing downtown. Have a good day, Lily, Jack, Shotgun." The last was said with a hint of mockery in her voice.

Once the door closed behind her Lily tore into Sammy, who just hid behind his palms. "I know I'm sorry. I'll write an e-mail to Mary's publicist and make an apology on air but please, Lily, not now." He seemed genuinely upset in a way Jack never saw him, and it must've freaked Lily out too because she did stop with her yelling.

"Okay. We're getting a drink after the show." Jack was about to say something but Lily shook her head. "Just the two of us."

"Thanks," Sammy sat up and took a deep breath. "But Jack should join us."

"Just the two of us, Sammy," Lily's voice was soft but brooked no argument.

\----

"Jackie Kennedy! Jack-O-Lantern! Jack Nicholson! Where have you _been?_ I haven't seen you in _ages_!!!"

Sammy was drunk enough to forget everything that happened that night and to regret every drink he chased with a beer in the morning. He smelled like sweat and booze and stale aftershave when he draped his arm around Jack's shoulders and if he wasn't afraid his friend would topple over, Jack would've pushed him away.

"We've seen each other one hour and…" Jack looked him up and down, took in the unbuttoned shirt and blooming lovebites on Sammy's neck, and guesstimated "five tequilas ago."

Sammy was dumbfounded. "How did you know!"

"You become a slut after tequila three. After tequila five you become clingy and can't stand on your feet."

"You really know me well, Jack." Sammy's voice got so silent Jack had to lean in closer, his ear almost to Sammy's mouth."You know me like nobody else does and I don't know how long I can bear this."

"You're drunk. The feeling will pass tomorrow." Jack moved as far away as he could without dislodging the precariously balanced Sammy. "Come on, I'll take you home."

"I… came here with somebody?" Sammy didn't sound sure.

"Yeah. With me and Lily, and Lily has slipped away some time ago," with a girl with long legs and blonde hair and built like a Valkyrie.

"Oh, it's good then we're leaving together then."

Sammy's hand wandered down Jack's back, resting on his waist for a second before slipping even lower and resting on his butt. "Sammy," Jack warned, and Sammy's hand moved away.

"You can't blame a guy; you have a pretty nice ass."

"I can blame a straight guy."

Instead of replying Sammy just scoffed and mumbled something unintelligible and hanged his head between his shoulders. Jack wouldn't abuse Sammy's state to ask for clarification, but he wouldn't stop talking to him. It was less to find something out and more to stop Sammy from falling asleep – at least that’s what Jack told himself.

"Did you have fun today? You seem like you did."

"Mm. Met this great gal who was actually a guy, not sure which way around. Great kisser, though, this-" he pointed at one of the hickeys- "is her.. his.. uh, their fault."

Jack hummed and got a move on. 

"You know gender is very confusing. Like, how does it even work, you know? Super weird." A few moments of silent pondering. "Probably shouldn't talk about that on the show, Shotgun would be unbearable."

"You're Shotgun, Sammy," Jack gently reminded him.

"Nah, not me. I hate that guy, dunno why we work with him."

"He has a pretty nice ass for a beanpole."

Sammy gasped. "Jack Wright, are you flirting with me?"

Jack almost stumbled over his feet as he stumbled over his words. "I… No… I was obviously flirting with Shotgun." Sammy was still gaping at him. "Serves him right. Would get right creeped out by it."

"Not that sure about that." Sammy suddenly paled and bent over and threw up every hors d'oeuvres he managed to eat before getting shitfaced drunk. Jack rubbed his back and took him home and if it took him a little longer than absolutely necessary to wash the t-shirt soaked with Sammy's scent, well, nobody needed to know.

\----

This was finally the show where Jack would confront him. They didn't have a guest, the following hosts had a Best Of show planned and Lily had to run to catch a modern theatre performance with Athena so finally - _finally_ \- Jack had the space to confront Sammy.

It's been getting worse. Sammy was barely talking to him after the party and when he did, he barely looked at him. When their fingers accidentally met Sammy jumped away like he got jabbed with a taser. The shows were broadcastable only thanks to Lily's efforts and she noticed, too, intensely whispering to Sammy before Jack stepped into the room.

So Lily also noticed Sammy was the problem.

With a glance back Lily sped out of the studio. Sammy tried to follow but Jack barred his way before he managed to.

"There are issues between us, Sammy, and we are going to talk about it."

"I can't…"

"We're talking about it _now_ so sit your ass down in your chair." Surprisingly, Sammy complied. "You have a problem with me and I want to know what that problem is. I know you're bad at talking about important stuff but you will make an effort."

"I'm not sure what you're getting at. Maybe the topics we had weren't exactly my kind of topics?"

Jack leaned against the desk on Sammy's side, precariously close to touching. "So it is personal, not professional. Is it the queer thing?"

Sammy sprung to his feet. "It's nothing. I mean. There's nothing wrong, really, I'm running kind of late, so if we're done…"

"We're not done.” Sammy let Jack push him back into the chair. “We're not leaving here until you tell me what's wrong. It'll go much faster if you come out with it."

"Come out?" 

"Yeah! If you tell me what's wrong we can deal with it instead of simmering in frustration! It's obviously not _just_ the queer thing-" Sammy winced again "-you're perfectly fine with Lily being a lesbian. So why are you not okay with me being into people of the same gender? Is it because girls getting it on is hot but ew guys? Or is it just me, personally?"

"You know what? Okay!! Sure!! Let us not simmer in frustration!!" Sammy’s voice cracked rabidly when he jumped back out of his chair. He took a breath and his eyes gained an intensity that made Jack’s heart pound. "This is the problem I'm having," he growled, took Jack’s face between his hands and pressed a kiss that was more of a bite into Jack's mouth. He forced his way deeper and Jack couldn't help grabbing two handfuls of Sammy's ass, pressing them closer. The broken sound Sammy made at that got them even closer, chest to chest, not a sliver of air between their bodies. Sammy pulled away to take a breath, and then took two steps farther from Jack. "There we go. Frustration resolved. Have a good evening." Sammy slammed the door on the studio and left Jack to deal with all that on his own.

\----

"You idiot, I know where you live. Open up or I _will_ wake up your whole neighborhood." Jack banged on the door again. "Your car’s in the driveway and you're too old to go out again after you already came home."

Sammy opened the door with a murderous expression. "Jack, not today." His voice was silent but intense, one he only used when he was being dead serious. "I'm sorry about the… kiss," he barely whispered the last word, "it will never happen again. I'll see you tomorrow at work and we never have to talk about it."

Jack took a step closer and Sammy almost shut the door. Only a single eye and some wild hair peeked from the gap. "But I want to talk about it, Sammy. It's obviously driving you crazy and I think talking could help."

"That's what therapists are for."

"You don't believe in therapists. Please let me in, I feel like the delivery guy."

“I believe in therapists, just not for me,” Sammy mumbled but reluctantly opened the door and stepped out of the way. “I don’t like this persistence of yours when it’s turned on me.”

Jack laughed and finally got a good look at Sammy. He was wearing a Henley shirt and plaid pajama pants, freshly showered going by the wet hair on the nape of his neck, and Jack imagined seeing him like that every evening as they were getting ready for bed, and oh boy. That wasn’t good. “Nobody likes it when they’re in the crosshairs.”

“Do you want some tea?”

“Sure.”

They walked into the kitchen and while Sammy got busy with the preparation Jack sat down on one stool at the breakfast nook. It gave them both a little time to gather their thoughts, which Jack appreciated. Until that moment he never considered Sammy as someone he could fall asleep with, but suddenly the stronghold he kept on his feelings broke and it pushed the air out of his lungs. Sammy was standing there with his back turned to him and Jack wanted to sidle up to him and hug him from behind, press a kiss under his ear, just breathe with him for a few moments. He got so lost in the imagined feeling of Sammy’s heartbeat under his lips that the soft clink of the mug being set in front of him almost made him jump out of his skin.

“Okay?” Sammy sounded like he was taming a wild animal. That made Jack come back to his senses because he was supposed to be the reasonable one out of the two of them, at least now.

“Yeah, just thinking. Thanks.” Jack took the mug between his palms, just to have something to do with his hands.

Sammy sat on the other stool looking into his own mug. 

“You kissed me, Sammy. You kissed me and I never even suspected that was something you’d want to do.”

“Getting right to the gist of it, huh?”

“Well, if I left it up to you we’d die of old age before getting anywhere.”

Sammy winced.

Jack pushed again. “How didn’t I ever know you were queer?”

“Gay. I really don’t like that word.”

Jack nodded. “Noted. Gay, then. You know Lily’s a lesbian, she’s really opposite of secretive about it. You know I date men too. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Just because we belong in the same scramble of letters it doesn’t mean I _have_ to tell you.”

“You are very annoying, you know?”

“Hey!”

“You tell other people to feel kinship with them. To have somebody to lean on.” Jack thought back on the years they were working together, about every time Lily and Sammy stopped talking when he walked into the room, about every time the two of them went out alone, and suddenly felt very stupid. “Lily knew, right? She must have, otherwise she wouldn’t tolerate your ass.”

Sammy’s guilty silence was very loud.

“God that’s even more annoying. That’s why you hung out so much! And I thought you were trying to turn her back to the good ole heterosexual lifestyle.”

Sammy stuttered, offended.

“Well how the hell was I supposed to know? All I know about you is that you like sports, babes and muscle cars and that you hate musicals, you’re basically the personification of a healthy heterosexual American!” Sammy was getting more offended with every passing word and Jack was living for it. “It’s very easy to not be stereotyped like that, you know. Just share a part of yourself!”

“I wanted to kiss you the minute I met you.”

Jack’s brain short-circuited. “What?”

Sammy sighed. “You wanted me to share? I’ll share. I wanted to kiss you so bad it made me stupid, but you must’ve not noticed because you were so excited to see the inside of a professional studio for the first time. You were full of hope and dreams of the future and it looked so good on you and it made me feel like a creep, wanting to kiss a kid straight out of college.”

“Post grad.”

Sammy covered his entire face with his hands. “Not the point! So not the point!”

“You mentioned it!”

“Just let me finish for heaven’s sake.” Jack zipped his lips and Sammy continued. “You didn’t notice, but Lily did, and she had a talk with me…”

“Lily has no right to…”

“...and I agreed.” That interruption earned him a glare so typically Sammy it made Jack smile. “I couldn’t tell you before I at least became okay with myself, and even now I’m far from that. I snapped, today, and I’m sorry.” Sammy chuckled a little, more to himself than anything else, then obviously came to a decision. “Apparently I still want to kiss you so bad it’s making me stupid, and now I’m not sure I can ever stop, knowing how you kiss.”

Sammy was looking at him with a hunger Jack never saw on his face, so he did the only logical thing there was to do. He leaned closer, giving Sammy a second to stop him, and when he didn’t he kissed him right on the lips. Sammy fisted his shirt and pulled him off the stool and closer, moaning into his mouth. One of Jack’s hands ended on Sammy’s thigh, feeling the heat of his skin under the flannel.

Where their first kiss was fast and passionate, this one was slow and explorative. Jack took the lead and Sammy enjoyed following his every move, opening his mouth when Jack’s tongue nudged his lips, spreading his thighs to accommodate Jack’s berth better. They parted for a few breaths and when Jack tried to step back Sammy instinctively crossed his ankles behind Jack’s knees to halt him.

“You said you weren’t supposed to kiss me,” Jack murmured into Sammy’s collarbone, feeling his frantic heartbeat.

“I wasn’t supposed to _tell_ you I wanted to kiss you, and we’re past that.” Sammy’s hands were sweaty when they cupped Jack’s face like it was the most precious thing they ever touched. “Take me to bed before I somehow fuck this up.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Will I ever feel as strongly about a TV show as I feel about any podcast I've listened to? Will Sammy and Jack stop living rent free in my head at some point? Will we actually get an ending to this podcast? We might never know.
> 
> title from Cut to the Feeling by Carly Rae Jepsen, if you wanna hit me up about KFAM or anything else I'm at siobhanclarke.tumblr.com


End file.
